To Justify Self Pity

~ Marie Rose ~

Well, here I am sitting at my computer trying to write an article for Jean’s subscriber newsletter, thinking about everyone who will read this and hoping I can create something that you can enjoy and gain some inspiration.  But the truth is that I have a bad cold (I suppose some people would call it the flu) and all I really want to do is stare into space and rest, or just go to bed.  I’m quite sure most of you could relate to this state.

I’m also annoyed and embarrassed that I have managed to get so crook…I do take quite reasonable care of my body and would expect better resilience than I am experiencing.  It really goes to show that while it is so important to look after our physical health, it is also equally important to look after our mental health.  Strain, stress and pressure can take a much larger toll than we estimate…and I have certainly allowed myself to be subject to this triad.

One thing about being crook, it gives you the opportunity to think about how “it snot fair”.  I couldn’t resist that play on words.  Really, being crook gives us the chance to stop and feel sorry for ourselves in a justified way.  Perhaps we need to stop and feel sorry for ourselves in a constructive way before we become crook.

What do I mean by feel sorry in a constructive way?  We all have times when we feel a hint (or more) of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we will all deal with this emotion differently in the immediate sense.  The point is, this feeling of self-pity is a part of our being that is crying out, it is the “what about me”, the “it’s not fair” of some part of our being that is being either neglected or overworked.  In the same way a joint or muscle in your body can cry out for sympathy if you have been neglecting or overworking it.  Feeling sorry is pain in another context.

If we can recognise the impulse for feeling sorry as it develops we can start to recognise that there is some pain or discomfort somewhere calling for attention.  We can transform that self-pity impulse to self-nurture, a constructive and positive action.  Ask ourselves, what’s hurting, what part of our being is feeling neglected or unable to express itself.

Where the pain is actually coming from may be hard to distinguish at the time, but it is important to recognise its presence and sooth ourselves, give ourselves a point of care, some self-love.  Give yourself some attention, whether that is simply making sure you take a regular coffee break, or visiting a trusted friend where you can offload your worries in a safe way.

Whatever it is that feels like a good idea, do it!  As long as it is legal and doesn’t hurt someone else, do it.

Remember to give yourself some self-care, before you get crook.  Sometimes we can be particularly hard or judgmental of ourselves without realising that many of our lesser habits are the result of deeper fears and anxieties.  Habits like procrastination, or overeating, or being argumentative etc.

If we don’t recognise that we have inner vulnerabilities and allow for their existence then our lesser side will come to the fore in defense, and our ability to resolve the stresses around us can be so much more difficult.

Look after yourself, that is your responsibility.  Striving to achieve outside of your comfort zone is ok but it is also important to work within your capacities, you are not perfect and you’re not meant to be.  Lead always with your strengths and your vulnerabilities will follow and growth can be so much faster and more comfortable that way.

I’m going to bed now for some good old fashioned self-nurture of the snuggle up kind.  No alarm, and I hope I’m feeling a bit better in the morning…hey, I’ve got work to do, LOL 😀

MBTI®…What is that?

MBTI®…What is that?


When I was first introduced to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® I was at a turning point in my life. I needed assistance with finding direction and I had been weighed down with issues relating to self-esteem.

When I found out what my personality “type” was and what was special about it, it was like someone opened the door to my cage…no, really more like the cage was blown up! Suddenly it was ok to be completely ME!  I didn’t have to be like the other people around me to be acceptable.  I was special just in being myself and I had my own gifts to bring to the world around me that until then I had hidden in fear.

It was the most free making experience of my life!

That experience set me on the mission to become an MBTI® certified practitioner and to make this amazingly simple to understand instrument available to everyone I could.

MBTI® is a personality profiling instrument that is very easy to understand. It has been designed so that every person can be empowered by the results.  You do not need to be a psychologist or doctor or other form of professional to get benefit from the analysis.  You walk away with a really good understanding of your personal functionalities and a basic understanding of how the people around you tick and how and why you interact with them the way you do.

The four things you learn are:

  1. Your primary energy flow – is it introverted or extroverted.
  2. Your perceiving function – how do you interpret the world around you and how do you gather information.
  3. Your judging function – how do you prefer to make decisions and what’s important to you.
  4. How do you prefer to function in the outer world – do you like to be flexible or do you prefer to be more structured in your approach.

Knowing the foundation of these key elements and what are innately your preferences greatly assists in understanding why you like the things you like, why you work, or want to work, the way you do and why you are drawn to certain things/activities and have difficulty with other things/activities.

Knowing how you may differ, or be the same, as those around you, whether that is at work, home or socially, assists greatly in your ability to interact together with people effectively. You are able to understand why some others see things differently from you and why some others agree with you more readily.

Of course there are other parts of our personality, these relate to character, life experience and how we were nurtured. This is what makes us individuals. However, we all have the same basic building blocks to our personality just as we all have the same building blocks for our body, e.g. two arms and legs, a mouth, lungs, stomach etc. Yet we can see that we are all totally individual, there is no one like us now or ever has been. Even identical twins are not 100% identical.

MBTI® is not a new kid on the block…it has a long and respected history. The original work “Psychological Types” by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung was published in 1921.

Jung’s theory was then taken and extended by Katharine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Myers. They studied his work intensively and developed the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® which classifies people into 16 different types on the basis of four dichotomies: Introversion-Extroversion, Sensing-Intuition, Thinking-Feeling, and Judging-Perceiving.

There is over 60 years of research and development behind the MBTI®. Today it is the most widely used tool for understanding personality differences and for explaining basic patterns in normal human functioning. There are over 2 million MBTI® assessments performed annually around the world and it has been translated into more than 30 languages.

MBTI® is used extensively in the Australian Defence Force, Government Departments, large corporate structures and also exclusively by some private practice coaches.

MBTI® will help you flourish. It will assist you to understand who you are and how to get the best out of yourself in a positive and joyful way.

If you wish to gain further information please do not hesitate to contact me via the contact page on this website.

© 2016 Marie Rose

Ego and Self Worth


Who am I…?

Who are you…?

Have a brain storm and make a list.  What comes out?

On your list you may have your name, your profession, your family status etc.

Are these you?  Or are these labels that describe how you are expressing your life at this time.

These labels can become the pegs upon which we hang our identity and our self-worth.  We then measure our self-worth by our perceived outer success in life.  How much money do you earn?  How big is your house?  What is your education?  Etc. etc.

But these labels are just that, labels.  They belong to our ego.  Now our ego is not a bad thing.  It is the shell which protects us and gives us functionality in the real world as we know it.  The problem is when our ego takes control and we come to relate our essence with that outer functionality.  Our self-worth then becomes vulnerable to the mishaps of life.

We may lose our job or have to change our career path.  We may lose our home in a disaster.  Or worse still, we may have challenges with our health.  All these things, while worthy of heart felt grief, do not define who we are and therefore do not take away from us our truest self-worth.

Think of a baby.  It has not yet developed any of these labels.  A baby is a human life full of pure potential.  We are drawn to naturally nurture and protect babies.  And we have laws in our society that demand that babies & children are nurtured and protected.  Yet, we don’t know “who” that baby is.  We care for that young human because it is a human; we inherently recognise the worth of its human essence.

As adults, that human essence is not lost!  It is simply hidden behind that shell which is our ego functionality.  If we can recognise that then we will never flounder for our self-worth.  We will recognise that the ego is simply the functionality we bring to life and the world around us.

Ego is how we contribute and as such it is under our control and its labels can be arranged or rearranged as we choose based on our life experience and our desire to adapt to the circumstances around us.  However, ego is never our essence and it is our essence that has value regardless of how we express our functional contribution to this life.

© 2016 Marie Rose