To Justify Self Pity

~ Marie Rose ~

Well, here I am sitting at my computer trying to write an article for Jean’s subscriber newsletter, thinking about everyone who will read this and hoping I can create something that you can enjoy and gain some inspiration.  But the truth is that I have a bad cold (I suppose some people would call it the flu) and all I really want to do is stare into space and rest, or just go to bed.  I’m quite sure most of you could relate to this state.

I’m also annoyed and embarrassed that I have managed to get so crook…I do take quite reasonable care of my body and would expect better resilience than I am experiencing.  It really goes to show that while it is so important to look after our physical health, it is also equally important to look after our mental health.  Strain, stress and pressure can take a much larger toll than we estimate…and I have certainly allowed myself to be subject to this triad.

One thing about being crook, it gives you the opportunity to think about how “it snot fair”.  I couldn’t resist that play on words.  Really, being crook gives us the chance to stop and feel sorry for ourselves in a justified way.  Perhaps we need to stop and feel sorry for ourselves in a constructive way before we become crook.

What do I mean by feel sorry in a constructive way?  We all have times when we feel a hint (or more) of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we will all deal with this emotion differently in the immediate sense.  The point is, this feeling of self-pity is a part of our being that is crying out, it is the “what about me”, the “it’s not fair” of some part of our being that is being either neglected or overworked.  In the same way a joint or muscle in your body can cry out for sympathy if you have been neglecting or overworking it.  Feeling sorry is pain in another context.

If we can recognise the impulse for feeling sorry as it develops we can start to recognise that there is some pain or discomfort somewhere calling for attention.  We can transform that self-pity impulse to self-nurture, a constructive and positive action.  Ask ourselves, what’s hurting, what part of our being is feeling neglected or unable to express itself.

Where the pain is actually coming from may be hard to distinguish at the time, but it is important to recognise its presence and sooth ourselves, give ourselves a point of care, some self-love.  Give yourself some attention, whether that is simply making sure you take a regular coffee break, or visiting a trusted friend where you can offload your worries in a safe way.

Whatever it is that feels like a good idea, do it!  As long as it is legal and doesn’t hurt someone else, do it.

Remember to give yourself some self-care, before you get crook.  Sometimes we can be particularly hard or judgmental of ourselves without realising that many of our lesser habits are the result of deeper fears and anxieties.  Habits like procrastination, or overeating, or being argumentative etc.

If we don’t recognise that we have inner vulnerabilities and allow for their existence then our lesser side will come to the fore in defense, and our ability to resolve the stresses around us can be so much more difficult.

Look after yourself, that is your responsibility.  Striving to achieve outside of your comfort zone is ok but it is also important to work within your capacities, you are not perfect and you’re not meant to be.  Lead always with your strengths and your vulnerabilities will follow and growth can be so much faster and more comfortable that way.

I’m going to bed now for some good old fashioned self-nurture of the snuggle up kind.  No alarm, and I hope I’m feeling a bit better in the morning…hey, I’ve got work to do, LOL 😀

Prophesy of Failure


Fear of failure is a particularly debilitating state of mind, it can and does freeze you in your tracks.  The problem is that the fear of failure is a self-fulfilling prophesy as it is destined to succeed.

If you succumb to the fear of failure then you do nothing to change your circumstances, or nothing to achieve that goal or desire that you would like to achieve – because you are afraid of failing.  But that is the point…if you do nothing because you are frightened it won’t work, then it won’t work and you will fail.

So, you have proven yourself right and you have succeeded in failing!

Let’s try a different scenario.  If you have a go at the thing that you are frightened of failing at…and you fail, well you haven’t lost anything because you are no worse off than if you didn’t try in the first place.

However, it is highly likely that you learned something on the way to failing.  So at the very least you will be wiser and/or more knowledgeable than you would have been if you hadn’t had a go.  So that learning is a definite written-in guaranteed bonus!

On the other hand, there is always the risk…oh we don’t like risk…that you might succeed.  Then you will have proven your fear of failure wrong, you will have failed at failure.  This might make “success” an uncomfortable place.  Maybe you don’t know what you would do with success if you got it?

Are you aware that the majority of people who win large lottery prizes have none of it left in 5 years?  Ouch!

This is how fear of failure is so closely related to fear of success.  They are not separate issues; they are the same, both sides of the one coin so to speak.  Our subconscious mind is so comfortable with what it is accustomed to.  Whilst our conscious mind is aware of what could be possible.

This is why and how we keep perpetuating the same mistakes…and then feel so confused, because we thought we knew better.  We did know better consciously, but unconsciously we seek the familiar because it is comfortable.

By knowing this we can start to look at our history differently.  And in the repetition of our mistakes and failures we can start to see the pattern of a different kind of success.

When we can stand back and start to see this pattern or design, it is at that point we can appreciate the story differently.  Then there is the opportunity to understand the plot and from there, start to write the next chapter with a movement toward a different ending.

© 2016 – Marie Rose