Happiness Is In

Happiness is in the ‘ing.

Have you ever noticed how some people, who seem to have everything in the world they could possibly want are miserable, yet others who seem to have very little can be so full of joy?

It would appear that happiness is not attached to the having of any specific object or of financial gain.  The ownership of a particular object may bring you satisfaction or pride but it doesn’t bring happiness in itself.  Financial gain can certainly offer more opportunities for freedom and self-expression, but the happiness itself is free.

It’s not what you obtain, but what you are doing, thinking and feeling that brings happiness. Happiness is not static, it is the vibrational response to your feeling regarding a particular situation or thought.  Happiness only dwells in the present moment.

You don’t get happiness from the new car you just bought, you get happiness from taking it for a drive to your favourite picnic place, or cruising around sightseeing, or driving around town and showing off your new car to your friends.  It is the activity you partake in with the car that creates happiness, not the car itself.

Does this sound familiar?  “I’ll be happy when…”

When we think that we will be happy when…., we actually won’t be happy at all because by then we will have formulated another “I’ll be happy when…”  There is nothing wrong with creating a new desire to move forward with, but it is not the desire, or lack of the desire, that makes you happy or unhappy.

Happiness is in the doing, in the current moment, in your attitude.  You can only be happy when you are doing, therefore, you can be happy planning and partaking in the activities (or work) to obtain the money to buy the car.  And then you can be happy using the car.  This can be applied to anything, even a relationship.  It is not the new hunk of a boyfriend (or spicy new girlfriend) you just got involved with that you plan to turn into a partner that makes you happy…it is the action of enjoying the relationship that makes you happy.

In fact the plans you make can bring you anxiety, not happiness.  Happiness projected creates anxiety, not happiness.  Happiness only dwells in the present moment and is connected to the activity you are doing in the present moment.  What you are doing includes what you are thinking and how you are feeling about that thinking.

While you may not always appear to have complete control over what you are doing, you do have control over what you are observing or focusing on about what you are doing.  You have control over what you are thinking and control over what you are feeling.

Regardless of whether you are driving around town in your new car, working at your job or simply sitting on your veranda with a hot cuppa enjoying the autumn sunshine.  The essence of happiness is found in the enjoyment of what you are doing, thinking and feeling right now in the present moment.

Marie Rose

ComfortZone

New Book Coming Soon:

GET INTO YOUR COMFORT ZONE AND THRIVE…
The Quickest Way To Success Is Simpler Than You Think.

Do you cringe when you hear those words “you need to get out of your comfort zone?” Are you under confident about yourself and your abilities? Do you suffer with procrastination, lack of focus, lethargy? Do you feel constantly guilty or frustrated with life? Can you not manage your time, no matter how hard you try? Does success just seem like a pipe dream, ok for others but not you? Are you sick of people telling you to get out of your comfort zone?

Well I’m here to tell you that it is time to settle into your Comfort Zone. When you get into your Comfort Zone you will find that procrastination will melt away, focus will come naturally and you will only feel lethargic as a result of an invigorating day! Your time has come. The simple path to your rewarding life starts today…GET INTO YOUR COMFORT ZONE, AND THRIVE.

The Power To Change Your Outcome

MINDSET…OR THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR OUTCOME

I had the opportunity to attend a play the other night that was put on by a well-respected theatre group based in Heidelberg, Melbourne.  The reason for my invitation was that the assistant director is my nephew (and Godson).  The invitation was sprung on me suddenly and my circumstances around attending this play were not ideal. Let me share….

I have very recently commenced a new position which requires me to commute and stay in Melbourne 2 days per week (I live on the NSW border, Murray River territory).  Whilst I am pleased to have this position it does interfere with other business activities that I have, and as such I generally take my own work with me to Melbourne to complete in the evenings.  This trip was no exception, and I had some time sensitive work with me which was feeding my natural anxiety affliction.  On top of this it was “end of month” which creates quite a bit of pressure at my new Melbourne position.

All in all, attending a play was really the last thing I wanted to do!

I was feeling travel weary, I was tired, I was stressed and thinking about that time sensitive project that wasn’t getting done.  I felt obliged to go to the play. However, I also was pleased to get the opportunity to see one of my nephew’s plays as I had never had the chance to do so, living so far away.

Can you relate to this scenario?  That sense of pressure coming from every direction, and trying to be all things at once.  You get it all done, you see it through, but you feel frazzled and grumpy doing it.

So that was me, I arrived at the theatre cool and collected, exchanging pleasantries, but actually feeling totally frazzled and grumpy.  The play was a comedy and I was thinking to myself I could do with a laugh, it better be funny!  As you could imagine, I am sitting in theatre and the play starts, I am in this Adrenalin fed grumpy mindset and the play just all seemed very silly. Grump, grump!

That’s when I thought, I have a choice.  We always have a choice.  We may feel limited by the circumstances around us but we are always in control of the ultimate outcome from those circumstances.

I changed my mindset.  I told myself, “You cannot change the fact that you are here so resign yourself to it and relax”.  I then asked myself, “What is a good outcome that could happen from being here”?

I then relaxed.  I focused on how good it was to be able to be there and support my nephew.  That this opportunity had arisen while I was on one of my Melbourne trips and I didn’t have to make any extra effort, how lucky was that.

The play then started to be entertaining and funny.  I became so much more aware.  I started to appreciate what a brilliant job these actors were doing.  I started to notice the little nuances that each actor was bringing to their performance to engage the audience.  Then, as a bonus, after interval my seating was changed and I was able to sit next to my nephew for the second half.  It was a great play, and I had a wonderful time.

I didn’t get to bed until 1.30am and I was concerned about how tired I was going to be working the next day.  But the next day went smoothly and despite being tired I achieved a great deal and even drove home that evening, a 4 hour journey.

A mindset of resistance burns a lot of energy, it makes us tired, and stressful periods become more challenging.  Resistance prevents you from experiencing the fun and pleasures of life.  Resistance also prevents you from gaining the wisdom and lessons available from the experience.

Life is full of the unexpected, inevitabilities, and situations that can’t easily be dodged.  Like Monday morning staff meetings, or parent-teacher nights.  All mixed in with the pressures of your day to day.  But the outcome of these circumstances is yours to create.  Ask yourself; what is the most useful attitude I can take right now and what possible positive outcome could occur?

You always have the power to transform the circumstance from the inside and create a positive outcome for yourself.  You create that outcome by the way you view the situation, which subtly affects the energy you give out.

That change not only alters what you become more aware of, it also alters the response from the world around you.  Whilst in reality it may seem very difficult to always be in that positive mind set, it is actually the contrast that teaches you where to find that positive state by challenging you to find a different and more useful perspective.

Marie Rose

To Justify Self Pity

TO JUSTIFY SELF PITY
~ Marie Rose ~

Well, here I am sitting at my computer trying to write an article for Jean’s subscriber newsletter, thinking about everyone who will read this and hoping I can create something that you can enjoy and gain some inspiration.  But the truth is that I have a bad cold (I suppose some people would call it the flu) and all I really want to do is stare into space and rest, or just go to bed.  I’m quite sure most of you could relate to this state.

I’m also annoyed and embarrassed that I have managed to get so crook…I do take quite reasonable care of my body and would expect better resilience than I am experiencing.  It really goes to show that while it is so important to look after our physical health, it is also equally important to look after our mental health.  Strain, stress and pressure can take a much larger toll than we estimate…and I have certainly allowed myself to be subject to this triad.

One thing about being crook, it gives you the opportunity to think about how “it snot fair”.  I couldn’t resist that play on words.  Really, being crook gives us the chance to stop and feel sorry for ourselves in a justified way.  Perhaps we need to stop and feel sorry for ourselves in a constructive way before we become crook.

What do I mean by feel sorry in a constructive way?  We all have times when we feel a hint (or more) of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we will all deal with this emotion differently in the immediate sense.  The point is, this feeling of self-pity is a part of our being that is crying out, it is the “what about me”, the “it’s not fair” of some part of our being that is being either neglected or overworked.  In the same way a joint or muscle in your body can cry out for sympathy if you have been neglecting or overworking it.  Feeling sorry is pain in another context.

If we can recognise the impulse for feeling sorry as it develops we can start to recognise that there is some pain or discomfort somewhere calling for attention.  We can transform that self-pity impulse to self-nurture, a constructive and positive action.  Ask ourselves, what’s hurting, what part of our being is feeling neglected or unable to express itself.

Where the pain is actually coming from may be hard to distinguish at the time, but it is important to recognise its presence and sooth ourselves, give ourselves a point of care, some self-love.  Give yourself some attention, whether that is simply making sure you take a regular coffee break, or visiting a trusted friend where you can offload your worries in a safe way.

Whatever it is that feels like a good idea, do it!  As long as it is legal and doesn’t hurt someone else, do it.

Remember to give yourself some self-care, before you get crook.  Sometimes we can be particularly hard or judgmental of ourselves without realising that many of our lesser habits are the result of deeper fears and anxieties.  Habits like procrastination, or overeating, or being argumentative etc.

If we don’t recognise that we have inner vulnerabilities and allow for their existence then our lesser side will come to the fore in defense, and our ability to resolve the stresses around us can be so much more difficult.

Look after yourself, that is your responsibility.  Striving to achieve outside of your comfort zone is ok but it is also important to work within your capacities, you are not perfect and you’re not meant to be.  Lead always with your strengths and your vulnerabilities will follow and growth can be so much faster and more comfortable that way.

I’m going to bed now for some good old fashioned self-nurture of the snuggle up kind.  No alarm, and I hope I’m feeling a bit better in the morning…hey, I’ve got work to do, LOL 😀

One Day In Orlando

ONE DAY IN ORLANDO

I am writing this a few days after the happening at Orlando, Florida.  I say happening, not any stronger descriptive word because I feel the need to start changing the vibration.  To come from a place of love…cause oh there is so much love needed.

If I could make a wish today it would be that there were no “sides”.  That everyone could dress as they like, express their love as they like, practice whatever religion they like, follow whatever footy team they like.  That there were NO SIDES!  That we were all on the same side; the side of humanity.

Imagine if we could actually enjoy the differences we express and share those differences with respectful fascination.  How interesting the world would be.

Just imagine for a moment a world full of all the different people sharing their different ideas, different beliefs.  Sharing the different foods they eat and everyone joining in on all the different cultural celebrations.  Not being threatened, not being coerced into changing the way you think.  Just experiencing, learning and understanding.

Respect for everyone, for the divine spark of life each of us is.

If we all could treat everyone the way that we want to be treated ourselves…then no one would hurt anyone, ever.  But I know we are a long way from that at the moment.

I know there are “sides”, there are wars and there is suffering.  Right now it just seems to be the way it has to be.

I know that today we still have to defend ourselves.  Defend the right for someone like me to express these opinions openly.  Defend the right for someone like you to read this and freely agree or disagree with what I am saying.  Defend, because there are many in the world who actively do not allow this.

For that right, for that freedom, I am truly grateful.  It is in that gratitude that I wish, pray, dream, envisage, that we could have a world of peace, gratitude and respect.

I take a deep breath and resolve to shine a little bit of light every day, the best I can do that day, right here where I am.  I invite you to consider doing the same.

You may see me as a dreamer, and right now I would agree with you.  But maybe if we could all hold on to that dream then maybe one day we might make it happen.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.
I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one”
(Imagine ~ John Lennon)

May the divine within you and the divine without you, bless you.

Marie

Here’s a moment to dream…with John

 

Prophesy of Failure

THE PROPHESY OF FAILURE

Fear of failure is a particularly debilitating state of mind, it can and does freeze you in your tracks.  The problem is that the fear of failure is a self-fulfilling prophesy as it is destined to succeed.

If you succumb to the fear of failure then you do nothing to change your circumstances, or nothing to achieve that goal or desire that you would like to achieve – because you are afraid of failing.  But that is the point…if you do nothing because you are frightened it won’t work, then it won’t work and you will fail.

So, you have proven yourself right and you have succeeded in failing!

Let’s try a different scenario.  If you have a go at the thing that you are frightened of failing at…and you fail, well you haven’t lost anything because you are no worse off than if you didn’t try in the first place.

However, it is highly likely that you learned something on the way to failing.  So at the very least you will be wiser and/or more knowledgeable than you would have been if you hadn’t had a go.  So that learning is a definite written-in guaranteed bonus!

On the other hand, there is always the risk…oh we don’t like risk…that you might succeed.  Then you will have proven your fear of failure wrong, you will have failed at failure.  This might make “success” an uncomfortable place.  Maybe you don’t know what you would do with success if you got it?

Are you aware that the majority of people who win large lottery prizes have none of it left in 5 years?  Ouch!

This is how fear of failure is so closely related to fear of success.  They are not separate issues; they are the same, both sides of the one coin so to speak.  Our subconscious mind is so comfortable with what it is accustomed to.  Whilst our conscious mind is aware of what could be possible.

This is why and how we keep perpetuating the same mistakes…and then feel so confused, because we thought we knew better.  We did know better consciously, but unconsciously we seek the familiar because it is comfortable.

By knowing this we can start to look at our history differently.  And in the repetition of our mistakes and failures we can start to see the pattern of a different kind of success.

When we can stand back and start to see this pattern or design, it is at that point we can appreciate the story differently.  Then there is the opportunity to understand the plot and from there, start to write the next chapter with a movement toward a different ending.

© 2016 – Marie Rose

Horror Movie

HORROR MOVIE…IT’S THE 6.30 NEWS

For those of you who are not in Australia, you may not be aware of a famous Oz rock group from the 70’s called Skyhooks.  They had a hit called “Horror Movie” and it was all about the 6.30pm news.  That was back in the days when we had our daily news bulletins and we set aside that time, usually dinner time, to watch that day’s news.

Things have changed dramatically since then and we now have “Horror Movie” TV stations that broadcast news all day long (and night too).  There are merits to these news stations and the phone aps etc. as they give us the opportunity to stay in touch with what is happening in the world at a time that is convenient for us.  And I have no objection to catching up with a bit of news a couple of times a day and being abreast of what is happening out there.  But stop there!

The news has become a reality TV drama using the pain and suffering of others as a form of entertainment.  No different from watching a soap opera or a horror movie for entertainment.  It can make us numb to true compassion.

Most of the time, most of us can do very little to actually be of assistance to the suffering that is happening in other places.

What we can do is recognise what we have ourselves, and to experience gratitude for being in our space.  We can express that gratitude by taking each day and each opportunity that comes before us, and embracing our life and living it to the fullest capacity we are capable of right now.

The greatest way we can show gratitude for a gift is to use it…do not fall into the trap of feeling guilty because you have it and someone else doesn’t.  There has always been dreadful suffering in the world, and for now, there always will be.  Stay focused on your life, build upon it and strengthen your presence.  Be the brightest light that you are able to be in any given moment.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

(~ John 1:5 RSV)

Regardless of our circumstances, who we are or where we find ourselves, the only thing we do have complete control over is our attitude.  It is via our attitude that we are able to contribute to the light energy of the Earth.  That pool of light energy is then available to all of us to draw from.  And it is available to those who are working with the light to bring peace to those who otherwise find themselves in a situation where there appears to be very little light around.

Marie

Now, for a bit of light relief, here is Skyhooks and “Horror Movie”.

Why Can’t We Change?

WHY CAN’T WE CHANGE?

Why can’t we stick to that diet?

Why can’t we stop smoking?

Why can’t we start exercising?

Why…it’s a funny twist in our instincts.

In simple terms we have two levels to our consciousness. The first level or primary level is that which we share with animals.  An animal is conscious of itself and its need to survive. This is the consciousness of our instincts, the things we do, mostly unconsciously, to preserve our life. These instincts include the desire to be accepted and part of the pack/herd. This consciousness is aware of fear when it perceives some form of danger.

This is a pleasure seeking, pain avoiding consciousness. It learns by association.  We utilise this ability to learn by association to train animals to serve us.  For example, our pets and farm animals.  In return we supply them with a life style that is more safe and comfortable than they would be able to provide for themselves.

We also use this level of consciousness to develop our own habits. Some habits we have chosen to teach ourselves, like having a daily shower or going for a walk.  Other habits are created by our response to some sort of pain or desire such as smoking or overeating.  This pain or desire can be emotional or physical.

Either way, once the habit is entrenched we usually enjoy doing it and it is not hard to keep doing it. Regardless of whether we want to do it or not and it can be very hard to change a habit, just like it can be hard to stop your dog from digging up the garden or pulling the washing off the line.

Our second level of consciousness is the individual self-consciousness. Where we are conscious of our self and our need to survive but we are also aware that we are conscious of our self.  This added awareness gives us the desire to create as well as survive.

This level of consciousness also contains the ability to make thoughtful decisions, have self-discipline and exercise will power. These are the attributes that give us the capacity to train our own primary consciousness so that we act in a way that suits our more consciously chosen direction.

Unfortunately what often happens when we decide we want to teach our selves a new habit or change an old one is we approach ourselves with a sledge hammer firmly grasped by our will power and driven by self-discipline. Guess what, it doesn’t work (can you see the little puppy cowering with fear).  It feels very uncomfortable and we give in to the fear of ourselves.

Training or retraining our primary consciousness requires the same firmness coupled with kindness and patience that we require to train a new puppy. In fact, these days, a new terminology is being frequently used in regard to training animals and that is to “educate” rather than “train”.

So, our self-consciousness is there to educate our primary consciousness so it can serve our creative purpose. In return for achieving this service our primary desires are fulfilled to a much more comfortable level than our primary instincts can achieve by themselves.

The first exercise is to become more aware of our behaviour and what parts are servicing us and what aren’t. See if you can recognise on a day to day basis what things you do unconsciously, what things you do as a learned habit (wanted or unwanted), and what you do out of conscious decision in the present moment.

© 2016 Marie Rose

MBTI®…What is that?

MBTI®…What is that?

AND HOW CAN IT ASSIST YOU?

When I was first introduced to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® I was at a turning point in my life. I needed assistance with finding direction and I had been weighed down with issues relating to self-esteem.

When I found out what my personality “type” was and what was special about it, it was like someone opened the door to my cage…no, really more like the cage was blown up! Suddenly it was ok to be completely ME!  I didn’t have to be like the other people around me to be acceptable.  I was special just in being myself and I had my own gifts to bring to the world around me that until then I had hidden in fear.

It was the most free making experience of my life!

That experience set me on the mission to become an MBTI® certified practitioner and to make this amazingly simple to understand instrument available to everyone I could.

MBTI® is a personality profiling instrument that is very easy to understand. It has been designed so that every person can be empowered by the results.  You do not need to be a psychologist or doctor or other form of professional to get benefit from the analysis.  You walk away with a really good understanding of your personal functionalities and a basic understanding of how the people around you tick and how and why you interact with them the way you do.

The four things you learn are:

  1. Your primary energy flow – is it introverted or extroverted.
  2. Your perceiving function – how do you interpret the world around you and how do you gather information.
  3. Your judging function – how do you prefer to make decisions and what’s important to you.
  4. How do you prefer to function in the outer world – do you like to be flexible or do you prefer to be more structured in your approach.

Knowing the foundation of these key elements and what are innately your preferences greatly assists in understanding why you like the things you like, why you work, or want to work, the way you do and why you are drawn to certain things/activities and have difficulty with other things/activities.

Knowing how you may differ, or be the same, as those around you, whether that is at work, home or socially, assists greatly in your ability to interact together with people effectively. You are able to understand why some others see things differently from you and why some others agree with you more readily.

Of course there are other parts of our personality, these relate to character, life experience and how we were nurtured. This is what makes us individuals. However, we all have the same basic building blocks to our personality just as we all have the same building blocks for our body, e.g. two arms and legs, a mouth, lungs, stomach etc. Yet we can see that we are all totally individual, there is no one like us now or ever has been. Even identical twins are not 100% identical.

MBTI® is not a new kid on the block…it has a long and respected history. The original work “Psychological Types” by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung was published in 1921.

Jung’s theory was then taken and extended by Katharine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Myers. They studied his work intensively and developed the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® which classifies people into 16 different types on the basis of four dichotomies: Introversion-Extroversion, Sensing-Intuition, Thinking-Feeling, and Judging-Perceiving.

There is over 60 years of research and development behind the MBTI®. Today it is the most widely used tool for understanding personality differences and for explaining basic patterns in normal human functioning. There are over 2 million MBTI® assessments performed annually around the world and it has been translated into more than 30 languages.

MBTI® is used extensively in the Australian Defence Force, Government Departments, large corporate structures and also exclusively by some private practice coaches.

MBTI® will help you flourish. It will assist you to understand who you are and how to get the best out of yourself in a positive and joyful way.

If you wish to gain further information please do not hesitate to contact me via the contact page on this website.

© 2016 Marie Rose

Ego and Self Worth

EGO & SELF WORTH

Who am I…?

Who are you…?

Have a brain storm and make a list.  What comes out?

On your list you may have your name, your profession, your family status etc.

Are these you?  Or are these labels that describe how you are expressing your life at this time.

These labels can become the pegs upon which we hang our identity and our self-worth.  We then measure our self-worth by our perceived outer success in life.  How much money do you earn?  How big is your house?  What is your education?  Etc. etc.

But these labels are just that, labels.  They belong to our ego.  Now our ego is not a bad thing.  It is the shell which protects us and gives us functionality in the real world as we know it.  The problem is when our ego takes control and we come to relate our essence with that outer functionality.  Our self-worth then becomes vulnerable to the mishaps of life.

We may lose our job or have to change our career path.  We may lose our home in a disaster.  Or worse still, we may have challenges with our health.  All these things, while worthy of heart felt grief, do not define who we are and therefore do not take away from us our truest self-worth.

Think of a baby.  It has not yet developed any of these labels.  A baby is a human life full of pure potential.  We are drawn to naturally nurture and protect babies.  And we have laws in our society that demand that babies & children are nurtured and protected.  Yet, we don’t know “who” that baby is.  We care for that young human because it is a human; we inherently recognise the worth of its human essence.

As adults, that human essence is not lost!  It is simply hidden behind that shell which is our ego functionality.  If we can recognise that then we will never flounder for our self-worth.  We will recognise that the ego is simply the functionality we bring to life and the world around us.

Ego is how we contribute and as such it is under our control and its labels can be arranged or rearranged as we choose based on our life experience and our desire to adapt to the circumstances around us.  However, ego is never our essence and it is our essence that has value regardless of how we express our functional contribution to this life.

© 2016 Marie Rose